How can we change?
We are continuing our Epiphany sermon series which is based on your questions. The question today is:
“Why is it so hard to change or repent. I want to… I pray. I’ve had 2 pastors pray over me. But I just can’t stop doing this one thing even though I want to so badly?”
To this person I want to first say that you are not alone. All of us find ourselves in this place from time to time. And sometimes we can be in this place for years. It is easy to feel alone when you are struggling like this, but you have a lot of company.
Our Bible is full of examples of people struggling to follow the ways of God. Psalm 51 is said to be King David’s response when he is caught in sin. He was described in the Bible as a man after God’s own heart. And yet, David did some terrible things. Psalm 51 is said to be David’s response to being caught and his realization that God saw everything. … We are in good company when we find ourselves in need of repenting.
In the question we are dealing with today the specific issue isn’t named, but we can have various kinds of sins that can haunt us like this. They return to us again and again and they are sometimes very hard to get over. We might struggle with misusing alcohol or drugs. We might struggle with sex outside marriage, or looking at pornography. We might struggle with a lack of self-control when eating. Or, with overspending on things that aren’t necessary. Or, maybe it’s angry outbursts that are the problem. There are a whole host of things that can grab a hold of us like this. These repetitive sins might be thought of as addictions or a bad habits.
When we struggle with a repetitive sin in our lives, we can identify with Paul’s words in our reading from Romans-
“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate” (Rom 7:15).
We feel this struggle inside of us. It is as if, at times, we are two different people occupying the same body- Jekyll and Hyde. Paul calls one part the “flesh” and one part the “spirit”, and they fight against one another. The fallen nature and the redeemed nature wrestle for control.
It is important that we acknowledge that the existence of the struggle is a good thing. I once read that one of the desert fathers said, ‘if you aren’t resisting sin, you’re giving into it’. Noticing something that needs to be changed, and struggling with it, is evidence that the Holy Spirit is already working in us.
And we can be reassured that Jesus wants us to be able to break the hold that these sins have on us. He got in trouble with the Scribes and Pharisees because he was associated with sinners. Being accused of associating with sinners is the context for the parables we read in our Gospel reading. Both of these are essentially about God being overjoyed at a sinner being returned to Him. If you feel like a sinner, then that means you are the reason Jesus came. He came for people just like you. God is on our side. He sees us as his children who have contracted an illness, a sin infection, and He is working towards our healing.
So, how do we change? How do we get healed from these kinds of repetitive sins?
If we have a broken leg, we pray, AND we also go to the doctor. The doctor is often one of the conduits by which God’s healing comes to us. So, God has created the world to function according to certain patterns. Our bodies function according to a certain pattern, and healing usually requires paying attention to this pattern, and working with this pattern. The broken bone needs to be set, then a cast keeps it in place, and the body can start healing the break as we rest. … It is important that we pay attention to how God has designed us. We pray for wisdom to guide us through to the right avenue of healing, and we pray that God’s power would work through these natural methods of healing.
I believe there are times when miraculous healings happen that are outside the normal natural path of healing. But I don’t think it is necessarily wise to presume on miracles. When I get a flat tire, it is good to pray, but it is also good to get out the jack and the spare tire. And these are not in conflict with each other.
When we are dealing with repetitive sins I think one of the things God is wanting to deal with is the healing of our will. Addictions or habits, usually develop over time. They get to the point that we do them without thinking. They can feel impossible to resist, because there is a kind of momentum behind them. They get into our flesh. It will often take time to break these habits.
A lot of what we do in a day relies on habits. When you were first learning to drive you had to think about every detail- Where you place your hands; thinking about which side is the gas and which is the brake; thinking about how hard to push the pedal so you aren’t jerking the car; remembering to shoulder check and check the mirrors. There was a huge number of things to remember. Eventually, these things became habits, and you didn’t have to think about them anymore, which made life easier. You didn’t have to spend so much energy and anxiety when you got in the car. … Over time we build habits into our flesh- we do them almost without thinking. Good habits help us live our lives more efficiently. Good habits can help us pray regularly. And have good hygiene. Unfortunately, we can also learn bad habits, And build these into our body so that we do them almost without thinking, and breaking habits can be tricky.
Dallas Willard uses an acronym when teaching how transformation works- VIM. VIM stands for Vision, Intention, and Means.
Say you want to stop having angry outbursts. First, you need a vision for why you want to stop. On the negative side, you might learn about all the health problems that come with prolonged anger. Over time anger can cause cardiovascular problems, for example. But you might also think about how these angry outbursts have an effect on your relationships. Maybe people avoid you. Maybe friends and family walk on eggshells around you, and they don’t want to share certain things with you. Or, maybe they get angry back at you, and you find you are constantly in a fight with someone. So, you consider how anger hurts you. Maybe you look at Jesus’ teachings about anger in Matthew 5:21-26 and how he treats anger like the seed of murder, and you can meditate on how anger can lead to that destructive place.
It won’t work to just want to stop the bad behaviour. That is like gardening but only obsessing over pulling weeds. You would have a bare patch of dirt, not a garden. It’s important that we focus on the garden we want. The weeds get in the way of the growth of the plants we desire. We want to switch from obsessing over weeds to nurturing the flowers and vegetables.
On the positive side, you want to shape a positive vision of what your life would be like when you don’t have these angry outbursts. Who has God created you to be? What does God’s vision for your life look like? … Instead of being controlled by anger, see yourself as an example of the virtue of patience, and trust in God’s providence. You don’t need things to go your way. You don’t have to avenge every perceived wrong or slight or offense. You can respond to the troubles of life with grace, patience, and trust in God. … Maybe you see yourself living longer because your heart is healthier when you become a patient person. Your relationships are healthier when you are patient. People are happier to be around you when they aren’t worried about getting yelled at. …
So, you develop a very strong positive image of the life God is calling you to, and you need to want that vision badly. It’s important to come to a place where we see the way that Jesus wants us to live, and we see that as good, beautiful, and wise. We need to see it as making the most sense. It is the best way to live. We build that image in prayer and meditation until it becomes something we want passionately. … We want the mind of Christ to be manifest in us (Phil 2:5). Maybe we write this down in detail in a journal, and post a reminder of this on our bathroom mirror so we see it regularly.
Now we have to intend to make this vision a reality (This is the “I” in VIM). We can’t sit back and say, “wouldn’t that be nice”. We are not to be admirers of the kingdom, we are to be citizens of the Kingdom of God. We have to intend to live this out. We have to decide to make this a reality.
Now we turn to means (The “M” in VIM). What are the practical things we can do that will lead us to the life God is calling us to. What is the method of transformation that God is calling us to use. Prayer is a part of this method. God also created us in such a way that we develop over time. If we want to strengthen our muscle we lift weights. If we want to learn to play the piano, we start learning scales. When it comes to angry outbursts, maybe we want to start by taking each thought captive (2 Cor 10:5). We can do this by being aware of our thoughts. Notice the pattern. What situations make us angry? What are the first signs of our anger? Is it always with certain people? Does it happen when we haven’t gotten enough sleep? Or when we are hungry? Anticipate these moments and make a plan for how to deal with them so you don’t go too far down that road. You can see the first sign and flee (1 Cor 6:18; 2 Tim 2:22). Make a change so the old pattern doesn’t play out.
We can also do things to boost our willpower by teaching ourselves that we can’t always get what we want. We teach our desires that they aren’t our God and don’t always have to be obeyed (Phil 3:19). This is one of the benefits of fasting.
There are a number of different disciplines that we can apply depending on the particular thing we are struggling with. For example, the practice of fellowship (gathering with an intimate group of friends for mutual support) can be helpful as we seek transformation
I think this is all we have time for today, but again I want to encourage the one who wrote the question for today. Your desire for transformation is evidence of God working in you. In Romans, Paul writes,
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).
There is a path of transformation and God will help you. Keep seeking after wisdom. AMEN
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