Psalm 139- being fully known

Psalm 139

The Psalm we are looking at today is Psalm 139. This is one of the most loved psalms. We turn to it when we need God’s comfort, and it is often requested for funerals. It is a Psalm that highlights God’s constant attention, and His persistent presence.

The Psalm begins,

“1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

The Psalmist (maybe King David) is contemplating God’s attention on his life. His knows if he is sitting, or standing, or laying down. … Not only does God know the physical outward actions of the psalmist, God also knows his inward movements. God is aware of all his thoughts and every word before it is spoken. … It’s hard to imagine being more intimately known than this.

This might be comforting, but it might not be. … In the Garden of Eden after the first humans ate of the forbidden tree they hid from God. They didn’t want to be fully known. … Sometimes we are ashamed of who we are. We dislike our personality, or our appearance. We are embarrassed of our financial situation, or a handicap. Maybe we are ashamed of something we have done that we feel is beyond forgiveness. … This can lead us to put on a kind of mask as we pretend to be someone else- to try to meet the expectations of others. We hide parts of ourselves we are ashamed of. We try to present an image of ourselves as having it all together. We don’t want to show weakness. We don’t want people to know if we struggle with depression, or if we have a problem in our marriage. So, we hide. … Sometimes we not only hide our true selves from others, but also from ourselves. We can try to escape ourselves. This can lead to addictions as we try to numb the pain of our shame. St. Basil the Great has said,

“In truth, to know oneself seems to be the hardest of all things. Not only our eye, which observes external objects, does not use the sense of sight on itself [the eye doesn’t see itself without a reflection], but even our mind, which contemplates intently another’s sin, is slow in the recognition of its own defects” (Homilies on the Hexaemeron 9.6).

Sometimes we can’t handle God seeing us, because that means we have to see ourselves, and we are ashamed of what we see.

The psalmist seems to understand this feeling. His reaction to the idea of being so fully known is to seek where he could hide.

“7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol [the place of the dead], you are there!9 If I take the wings of the morning [East] and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea [West],10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night”,12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”

Just as Adam and Eve hid from God to try to avoid His penetrating sight, so we can be tempted to hide from God. … But, where could we hide? Up to Heaven? Down to the place of the dead? East to where the sun rises in the morning? West, across the Mediterranean Sea? Maybe some dark cave? … No, the psalmist realizes. There is nowhere we can go to get away from God. That can be an overwhelming thought. 

St. Augustine says,

“Where will you go? Where will you flee? … If you wish to flee from him, flee to him! Flee to him by confessing, not by hiding from him. For you cannot hide, but you can confess” (Homilies on 1 John 6.3.2)

So, instead of hiding, we have to find a way to endure the gaze of God. To endure the gaze of God is to face yourself with incredible honesty… , which is what we do in confession. And that is why confession can be so scary, especially when you do it with someone else. For that reason people will often seek out a priest they don't know in a different city so they can confess in anonymity. … I can’t remember where I read this, but someone once said that “saints are those who endure the gaze of God”. Saints are those who learn not to run from the gaze of God. They stay and endure it. … 

I often pray with an Icon of Jesus. In the picture I use Jesus is looking straight back at me. He is looking into my soul in a way that I know there is nowhere I can hide. And if I have had a day where I have been less than who I think God wants me to be, it can be hard to look into those eyes. … It’s not hard because I think he’s angry at me. … It’s hard because of the sheer intensity of being known that deeply and honestly. … If we don’t turn away, God’s gaze will purify us. That gaze will cause us to see ourselves honestly and deal with who we are.

When the psalmist stops running he sees that God is not to be feared. He reflects on God’s intimate care from the very beginning. He says,

“13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

The psalmist sees himself as a creation of God- amazingly and wondrously made- as amazing as an orchid, a nebula, or the Northern Lights. Even before he was born, he was known to God. He is intricately crafted by the creator of the universe, and all his days are appointed by God.

We can sometimes misunderstand the gaze of God as a source of harsh judgement- as if God watches us just to catch us misbehaving. Instead, the psalmist seems to begin to see himself as a creature that God takes delight in. God watches the way a loving parent watches their child play. They love them and take delight in watching them explore the world. … Jesus says,

“6 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. 7 Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows” (Luke 12:6-7).

… As he learns of his Creator’s loving care, the psalmist responds,

“How precious to me are your thoughts O God!” (v17).

He comes to appreciate God’s searching thoughts, rather than trying to escape them.

There is a strange part of the psalm near the end. It asks God to kill those who speak against God. He says, 

“Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?” (v21).

 … It’s pretty hard to hear when we have been shaped by the teachings of Jesus that tell us to love our enemies and do good to those who hate us (Luke 6:27-36). … This part of the Psalm is an ancient way of declaring loyalty. … It's pretty human. Isn’t that an automatic emotional reaction when a close friend tells about a fight they had with someone? Don’t you automatically say, “What?!? I can’t believe they did that! What an idiot!”. It is a declaration of loyalty to hate those who hate our friend. … 

This is an example of a psalm that isn’t necessarily meant to give us moral direction, rather it is pointing to a kind of emotional reality. We are observing the movements of the psalmists inner life. Don’t take this as an instruction for us to hate, but an observation of a very human way of declaring loyalty. … 

This is where the ancient Christians would often turn to very symbolic ways or reading. They wouldn’t see this hate as being towards a human being, but towards vice. Love virtue and hate vice, they would say. Hate sin (especially your own). That is the true enemy of God that should be hated with a perfect hatred.

The psalmist moves from trying to hide from God’s penetrating gaze to accepting the presence and knowledge of God. And then at the end of the psalm to inviting God’s insight. He says,

“ 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the ancient way everlasting!”

God’s knowledge and searching gaze isn’t to condemn him. It is to guide him- to remove falsity and lead him into the everlasting way. …

The Incarnation of God in Jesus Christ makes this very personal. It is one thing for God as spirit to know us, but to come to us to live as a human being, to struggle as we struggle, to feel our pain helps us see God in a new way. In Hebrews we read,

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin" (Hebrews 4:15).

He too, experienced the temptation of life as well as death and descended to the realm of the dead, as all human beings do. But, he also ascended to the right hand of God the Father. And churches face East, symbolically expecting him to come back like the rising sun.

May we flee to God rather than away from God. May we see that God’s ever present gaze is not to catch us and condemn us, but is the observation of a loving parent that loves us so much He can’t take his eyes off of us. AMEN