the love of the father- 2 Sam 18- David and Absalom-
2 Samuel 18
New International
Version (NIV)
David mustered the men who were with him and
appointed over them commanders of thousands and commanders of
hundreds. 2 David sent out his troops, a third under the command
of Joab, a third under Joab’s brother Abishai son of Zeruiah, and a third
under Ittai the Gittite. The king told the troops, “I myself will surely
march out with you.”
3 But the men said, “You must not go out; if we are
forced to flee, they won’t care about us. Even if half of us die, they won’t
care; but you are worth ten thousand of us.[a] It would be better now for you to give us
support from the city.”
4 The king answered, “I will do whatever seems best to
you.”
So the king stood beside the gate while all his men marched
out in units of hundreds and of thousands.
5 The king
commanded Joab, Abishai and Ittai, “Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my
sake.” And all the troops heard the king giving orders concerning Absalom to
each of the commanders.
6 David’s army
marched out of the city to fight Israel, and the battle took place in the
forest of Ephraim.7 There Israel’s troops were routed by David’s men,
and the casualties that day were great—twenty thousand men. 8 The
battle spread out over the whole countryside, and the forest swallowed up more
men that day than the sword.
9 Now Absalom
happened to meet David’s men. He was riding his mule, and as the mule went
under the thick branches of a large oak, Absalom’s hair got caught in the
tree. He was left hanging in midair, while the mule he was riding kept on
going.
10 When one of the men saw what had happened, he told
Joab, “I just saw Absalom hanging in an oak tree.”
11 Joab said to the man who had told him this, “What!
You saw him? Why didn’t you strike him to the ground right there? Then I
would have had to give you ten shekels[b] of silver and a warrior’s belt. ”
12 But the man replied, “Even if a thousand shekels[c] were weighed out into my hands, I would not
lay a hand on the king’s son. In our hearing the king commanded you and Abishai
and Ittai, ‘Protect the young man Absalom for my sake.[d]’ 13 And if I had put my life in
jeopardy[e]—and nothing is hidden from the king —you
would have kept your distance from me.”
14 Joab said, “I’m not going to wait like this for
you.” So he took three javelins in his hand and plunged them into Absalom’s
heart while Absalom was still alive in the oak tree. 15 And ten of
Joab’s armor-bearers surrounded Absalom, struck him and killed him.
16 Then Joab sounded the trumpet, and the troops
stopped pursuing Israel ,
for Joab halted them. 17 They took Absalom, threw him into a big pit
in the forest and piled up a large heap of rocks over him. Meanwhile,
all the Israelites fled to their homes.
18 During his lifetime Absalom had taken a pillar and
erected it in the King’s Valley as a monument to himself, for he
thought, “I have no son to carry on the memory of my name.” He named the
pillar after himself, and it is called Absalom’s Monument to this day.
David Mourns
19 Now Ahimaaz son of Zadok said, “Let me run and
take the news to the king that the Lord has vindicated him by
delivering him from the hand of his enemies. ”
20 “You are not the one to take the news today,” Joab
told him. “You may take the news another time, but you must not do so today,
because the king’s son is dead.”
21 Then Joab said to a Cushite, “Go, tell the king what
you have seen.” The Cushite bowed down before Joab and ran off.
22 Ahimaaz son of Zadok again said to Joab, “Come what
may, please let me run behind the Cushite.”
But Joab replied, “My son, why do you want to go? You don’t
have any news that will bring you a reward.”
23 He said, “Come what may, I want to run.”
So Joab said, “Run!” Then Ahimaaz ran by way of the plain[f] and outran the Cushite.
24 While David was sitting between the inner and outer
gates, the watchman went up to the roof of the gateway by the wall. As he
looked out, he saw a man running alone. 25 The watchman called out to
the king and reported it.
The king said, “If he is alone, he must have good news.” And
the runner came closer and closer.
26 Then the watchman saw another runner, and he called
down to the gatekeeper, “Look, another man running alone!”
The king said, “He must be bringing good news, too.”
27 The watchman said, “It seems to me that the first
one runs like Ahimaaz son of Zadok.”
“He’s a good man,” the king said. “He comes with good news.”
28 Then Ahimaaz called out to the king, “All is well!”
He bowed down before the king with his face to the ground and said, “Praise be
to the Lord your God! He has delivered up those who lifted their
hands against my lord the king.”
29 The king asked, “Is the young man Absalom safe?”
Ahimaaz answered, “I saw great confusion just as Joab was
about to send the king’s servant and me, your servant, but I don’t know what it
was.”
30 The king said, “Stand aside and wait here.” So he
stepped aside and stood there.
31 Then the Cushite arrived and said, “My lord the
king, hear the good news! The Lord has vindicated you today by
delivering you from the hand of all who rose up against you.”
32 The king asked the Cushite, “Is the young man
Absalom safe?”
The Cushite replied, “May the enemies of my lord the king
and all who rise up to harm you be like that young man.”
33 The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the
gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son
Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!”[g]
It's a strange
feeling to see yourself in your children. There are certain things my
sons do that are very much like me. I think every parent sees a bit of
themselves in their children. They might have the same taste for certain foods,
or they might have certain talents or skilsl that seems to be from their mom or
dad.
Children inherit all kinds of
character traits from their parents. Sometimes that's a good thing, but
sometimes they also inherit traits that are less desirable, and it's
especially scary to see your children start to take on some of your flaws.
David's
sons inherited his virtues, but they also inherited his vices. David's
eldest son, Amnon, seems to have inherited David's lust. The lust we see
in David when he brings Bathsheba, one of his soldiers' wives, into his bed is
the lust we see in Amnon when he lusts after his half-sister, Tamar, and rapes
her. David's son Absalom seems to have inherited David's wrath. The
murderous wrath we witness in David's scheming to kill Bathsheba's husband,
Uriah, is the wrath we see in Absalom as he plots to kill his brother Amnon. It
isn't a hot-headed spur of the moment act. Absalom plans it very coolly. It is
very pre-meditated.
After Absalom murders his brother
Amnon he fled to live with his in-laws. He lived there for three years, fearing
his father's wrath. Through the intercession of
David's right hand man, Joab,
Absalom is eventually welcomed back into Jerusalem ,
but he is only half forgiven. He is allowed to be in the city, but he is
not permitted in the king's presence. He is left in a kind of limbo. He is
allowed back, but at the same time he isn't quite permitted to leave his exile.
And Jerusalem is not a big city at
this point. There would have been effort involved in preventing Absalom and
David seeing each other. It's a strange situation for Absalom. They are in the
same city, but they are not speaking. Perhaps this is some kind of punishment-
like getting the silent treatment. Absalom has to know that David is still not
happy with Amnon's murder. So Absalom sits in a kind of limbo- Halfway between
forgiveness and exile, but not fully in either place.
This starts to wear on Absalom.
Eventually, disgruntled and rejected he begins putting a plan into motion.
Absalom has some of David's other traits. He is heroic, good looking, and
charismatic. Absalom uses all these
gifts to his advantage and he starts to win the people's hearts. The
Bible actually says he stole their hearts. He listens to their problems, he speaks to
them as if they were equals. He becomes the people's prince. Soon he has enough
of a following that he can challenge his father's forces. Soon, the land is
divided by civil war. Everyone is picking sides. Many side with Absalom
as the new up and coming superstar. Some are still supportive of the reign of King
Saul and his family and hope there might be some room in the chaos for
their own political maneuvering. There are still many who are loyal to David.
Suddenly the land that had been unified under David is now being torn into
pieces.
Absalom has enough muscle that David
and his supporters are forced to flee Jerusalem
In this situation we see how sin
multiplies. Amnon rapes his sister. Though he is furious, we have no indication
that David disciplines Amnon for the rape of his half-sister. Perhaps this is
grace on David's part. Absalom, however,
seeks revenge and murders Amnon. David
is unwilling to forgive his son Absalom fully and suddenly we find ourselves in
the midst of a civil war where 20,000 will lose their lives. Rape, revenge,
murder, un-forgiveness- they all twist and turn and build on one another until we find
ourselves in civil war.
David still has some allies and he
knows how to place people strategically. Soon he has spies and a whole
intelligence network helping him to keep ahead of Absalom, who has a serious
force of men and some very good counsel on his side. David is in the wilderness
attempting to escape his son's sword and trying to regroup and plan. The
climax of all of this is a battle between Absalom's forces and David's
forces. David's more experiences forces overtake Absalom's. But a strange
thing happens as the battle is drawing to a close. Absalom is riding his
mule through the forest and suddenly his hair gets tangled in some
low-hanging branches. It's very strange, but Absalom hair (which he was very
proud of) was stuck and his mule kept right on running, leaving Absalom hanging
there helpless to free himself. The soldiers weren't sure what to do because David
gave very clear orders to “be gentle with the young man Absalom”. Joab, the
general, and his men ignore David's words and kill Absalom.
The leaders of the army thought it
would be best if David stayed behind. They thought it was too risky to have
David on the battlefield. So David stayed back and waited for word to be
sent. When word finally came it was as if David didn't care at all about
who won the battle, he wanted to know about his Son Absalom. When he finds out
that Absalom has been killed he enters into profound mourning. He wails and
weeps, “O my son Absalom! My Son, my son
Absalom! If only I had died instead of you- O Absalom, my son, my son!”. It
is one of the saddest and heart rending parts of scripture. It is raw- a father
weeping over his dead son. The battle is nowhere in David's mind except the
context for Absalom's death. David doesn't seem to care that he has regained
his kingdom and re-solidified the country. He doesn't seem to think about all
the soldiers who risked their lives, and lost their lives, to win this battle
and restore David's reign. ... At this moment David is a father weeping over
his son. He is not a king. He is a father in mourning.
There is a lot we can talk about
in this passage. It is an amazing story to read, but it is also filled with
profound wisdom. Out of the many things we could talk about I want us to look
at David as a father.
Like most parents, David was
sometimes a good parent and sometimes he wasn't. All parents have moments
when their parenting gets pretty sloppy. Sometimes we do well and we're proud
of how we handled that moment when, say, their pet died. We sort of pat
ourselves on the back knowing we handled it well, but then there are
moments when we are irritated and short on patience and short on sleep
and our parenting suffers and we make bad decisions.
Perhaps if David was closer to his sons he would have seen Amnon's lust
for his daughter Tamar. Maybe if David disciplined Amnon after the rape then vengeance
wouldn't have been brewing in Absalom's heart. If David was closer to Absalom
maybe he could have counseled him in his rage. Maybe David could have welcomed
Absalom home from exile and offered him full forgiveness, rather than a
half-forgiveness where his fatherly love is still withheld.
David needed to hear Jesus' story
in Luke 15 about a father whose son rejected him and went to a far off
land. The father kept searching the horizon hoping to see him come back.
Eventually he does. The father, whose son basically spat in his face as he
left, would have been completely justified in rejecting the son right back, or
giving him the silent treatment until he learned his lesson, but not in Jesus'
story. In Jesus' story the father is so overjoyed to have his son back that he
runs to him. His son can't even finish saying “I'm sorry” before the father
interrupts him and throws a party in his honour. This is not what David does.
David's reaction makes sense, but there is a better way- a more loving way, but
David doesn't take it.
There are plenty of things that
David could have done better. But, this lament is exactly what a good
parent does. They weep over the suffering and death of their children. David
in this moment is a very good father. “O
my son Absalom! My Son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you- O
Absalom, my son, my son!”. Absalom in this moment isn't that “young man
Absalom”, as he says to his general, Joab, as he heads off to battle. Here
he is “My son Absalom”. It is more personal. Here David is a good Father.
In his lament he speaks directly to his dead son, “If only I had died
Instead of you”. David wishes to
switch places with him. He wished he could have died to save his son.
This is the heart of a father who loves deeply.
When
Jesus told the story about the father and son in Luke 15, he was talking
about God's reaction to us. God's reaction to us wandering children who
return home is celebration. When Jesus prayed he called God “Abba”,
which might be translated best as “Daddy”, or “poppa”. It is not a formal word.
Jesus' experienced of his relationship with God was as a loving Father-Son
relationship. Here we see into God's heart. If it is true that God is like a
loving Father, then it is also mysteriously true that a loving father is like
God. We can learn something about God through looking at David, the loving
father.
In David's weeping we see God's
heart. David weeps over a lost child. God too weeps over us and with us.
When we suffer, God mysteriously weeps. God weeps over us as we make decisions
that alienate us from him. God weeps when we are hurt by others. God weeps with
us when we feel broken… because that's what a good father does.
David also shows us even more deeply
into God's heart when he says “ If only I had died instead of you- O Absalom,
my son, my son!”. A good father is willing to sacrifice to benefit his child.
The good Father wants to take the place of the suffering child. And when we
look at Jesus we see God taking the place of suffering humanity in order to
save us. “If only I had died instead of you”. That is the purpose of the
cross. God, comes to us, as one of us, to feel what we feel, and to take it all
on himself.
David
may not have been a perfect father, but he had moments. His life is a matted
mess of sin and virtue, murder and love. David’s life is a messy life, but it
is a life with God. There are shining moment, even if sad moments, where we get
to see how profound a person David was. We get a chance to see that person God
saw. We can see past the messiness and we can see David as a man after God’s
own heart.
Questions for
reflecting on 2 Sam 14-18:
1. How did God bring
good out of David’s difficult circumstances? How has God used difficult
circumstances in your life? See Romans 8:28
2. Reflect on the
presence of David’s own vices and virtues in his sons. How are your own virtues
and vices in you parents or children? What effect has that had on your life, or
on the lives of those around you?
3. Why do you
think David behaves towards Absalom as he does? What do you think of his
parental strategy? How would you have behaved?
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