Christian Caregiving 4- Caring for a Sinner
Today we are continuing with our sermon series on Christian caregiving. Last time we spoke about caring for those who are suffering. This week we are talking about caring for people who come to us in their sin.
If we look at the interaction between Eve and the serpent we will see an archetype of how sin works. Eve knew the commandment. They could eat from every other tree in the garden, just not that one tree. The serpent, who we know to be the Devil, the Tempter, planted seeds of doubt in her. He suggested that maybe God isn’t really all that good. Maybe God is actually keeping something good away from her. That is the way we often look at sin- As Dallas Willard has said, we think that sin would be a lot of fun if God just didn’t have a thing about it.
When Eve was convinced that God was not to be trusted in this matter, the first human couple decided that they would make their own decision about what was right and wrong, rather than trust what God says. And we read,
“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.”
Notice, too, that Eve isn’t wanting to do something bad. She sees it as good. The fruit looks good for food. It was beautiful. And she believed it would make her wise. … Sin works that way. We aren’t tempted to evil as much as we are tempted to something good, but it’s the wrong way of getting at it.
Take stealing, for example. Nothing is wrong with having money, but robbing a bank to get it is where it becomes sin. We are usually drawn to sin by something good. In CS Lewis’ book the Screwtape Letters, a more experienced demon is mentoring a lesser demon on how to lead human beings astray. Screwtape bemoans the fact that demons have not found a way to produce a pleasure.[1] The craft of the demons is to twist the good pleasures and place them out of context, and to seek the pleasures outside God’s will and design. The demons have to use God’s good pleasures to tempt people to sin, because they can’t make any pleasures of their own.
After eating the forbidden fruit of the knowledge of good and bad, Adam and Eve feel the consequences of their sin. They gain experiential knowledge of “bad”. We read,
“Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.”
They knew they were naked and covered themselves. They felt shame. They felt vulnerable. Suddenly the world doesn’t seem very friendly. They even try to hide from God. So, there is now a division between human beings caused by shame and fear of being hurt, and there is also a division between human beings and God- there is a desire to hide from God.
When Adam finally comes out from hiding he speaks to God and we see another aspect of sin.
When Adam finally comes out from hiding he speaks to God and we see another aspect of sin.
“[God] said, ‘Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?’ The man said, ‘The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.’ Then the Lord God said to the woman, ‘What is this that you have done?’ The woman said, ‘The serpent deceived me, and I ate.’”
Neither of them was willing to accept that their sin belongs to them. Adam blames Eve. Eve blames the serpent. But there is actually a subtle blaming of God if we read carefully. Adam says, “The woman whom you gave to be with me”. It wasn’t just Eve he blamed. He was basically saying if you didn’t create Eve I wouldn’t have done it. Instead of accepting responsibility and asking forgiveness, they pass the blame off to someone else.
We can do this, too, when we excuse our sin by saying we were born with bad genes, or we were raised by bad parents, or we had bad experiences in our lives. Ultimately, that leads us to blaming our sin on God because of the way we were made or for the world God gave us. It is important we take responsibility for our sin, even while understanding there are factors that have influenced us.
Sin is what causes us to be separated from God. It is understood in a number of ways in Christianity. Sin can be willful disobedience to the command of God. It is a posture of rebellion against God that disrupts the created order, and in that way, aligns us with God’s enemies. … Sin is sometimes understood as a distorted part of the human condition, like a spiritual disease that infects us. The sins we commit are the symptoms of this disease that has infected us. … Sin can be understood as a kind of debt we owe God. We owe God a holy life. Sin is the failure to give God what we owe Him. … Ultimately, sin can be understood as anything that violates God’s will for the way the world should be- a beautiful, peaceful, joyful, and holy place.
Sin is more than just an action. The action is an expression of what is in our heart. Jesus says,
Sin is what causes us to be separated from God. It is understood in a number of ways in Christianity. Sin can be willful disobedience to the command of God. It is a posture of rebellion against God that disrupts the created order, and in that way, aligns us with God’s enemies. … Sin is sometimes understood as a distorted part of the human condition, like a spiritual disease that infects us. The sins we commit are the symptoms of this disease that has infected us. … Sin can be understood as a kind of debt we owe God. We owe God a holy life. Sin is the failure to give God what we owe Him. … Ultimately, sin can be understood as anything that violates God’s will for the way the world should be- a beautiful, peaceful, joyful, and holy place.
Sin is more than just an action. The action is an expression of what is in our heart. Jesus says,
“what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person” (Matt 15:18-20).
A wise person once said,
“We are not sinners because we sin. We sin because we are sinners”.
We sin because our heart is inclined that direction. So, to adequately deal with sin, we have to deal with more than the outward action. We have to deal with the motivation that gave rise to the action.
God isn’t about just following the rules. If we take someone full of murderous rage and lock them away in prison so they couldn’t hurt anyone, that person is still not pleasing God. They aren't murdering anyone, so they are following the rule against murdering. But their heart still isn’t right. If they had the opportunity to do violence, they would. The heart is what has to be dealt with.
When we care for people who come to us with their sin, it is important to have an understanding of how sin works. There is an internal logic to it. It is usually a desire for something good, but it is the wrong way to get it. With stealing, it is the wrong way to get a good thing. With pornography, it is the wrong way to look for intimacy. With gossip, it is the wrong way to connect with others.
We should also be aware of our own tendencies to sin as someone comes to us with their sin. Our sinful impulses will be different, but we should be careful about looking down on another person in their sin. We might not understand their particular temptation because we have different temptations, but we all have temptations.
The way Christians are to deal with sin is to confess it and then to receive God’s forgiveness. We read in John’s first letter,
God isn’t about just following the rules. If we take someone full of murderous rage and lock them away in prison so they couldn’t hurt anyone, that person is still not pleasing God. They aren't murdering anyone, so they are following the rule against murdering. But their heart still isn’t right. If they had the opportunity to do violence, they would. The heart is what has to be dealt with.
When we care for people who come to us with their sin, it is important to have an understanding of how sin works. There is an internal logic to it. It is usually a desire for something good, but it is the wrong way to get it. With stealing, it is the wrong way to get a good thing. With pornography, it is the wrong way to look for intimacy. With gossip, it is the wrong way to connect with others.
We should also be aware of our own tendencies to sin as someone comes to us with their sin. Our sinful impulses will be different, but we should be careful about looking down on another person in their sin. We might not understand their particular temptation because we have different temptations, but we all have temptations.
The way Christians are to deal with sin is to confess it and then to receive God’s forgiveness. We read in John’s first letter,
“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9);“if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world” (1 John 2:1-2).
Our overall tendency in our Christian life should be towards less and less sin as we grow in the wisdom and likeness of Christ. The sins we deal with will become more subtle as we grow closer to Christ. But, while we are alive, we will continue to deal with sin.
Every Sunday we confess and receive absolution. When we pray Morning and Evening Prayer, we are given the opportunity to confess our sin to God. But sometimes we need to actually speak our confession to another person. This is important to do, and it can be very powerful and transforming. My advice is that if a sin doesn't feel resolved when silently confessed in worship, or in your private prayers, then it is wise to bring it to a Christian friend, or to your priest (who is used to hearing people confess their sins).
When people come to us with their sin, they might be doing so for a variety of reasons. They might be wanting to confess it, which is a healthy way to deal with it. … But they might also be wanting to justify it, or rationalize it. They might not be ready to deal with it.
When someone comes to us with their sin, it’s good to listen and ask questions. We should also be careful of two different tendencies as caregivers.
On one hand, we might lean towards rationalizing their sin. We don’t want them to feel bad, so we try to justify what they’ve done. We minimize the damage of the sin by talking about how what they did makes sense given the circumstances. If they have sinned, but are trying to rationalize it, and we help them do this, then we have dug them further into their sin. If they have come to us ready to confess, then we have taken their confession away from them by making it “not really so bad”; “they are just being too hard on themselves”.
On the other hand, we might lean is towards being too harsh. They come to us with their sin and we condemn them as if we aren’t sinners ourselves- we are happy to help pluck the sliver from their eye, ignorant of the log in our own (Matt 7:1-5). When we are harsh, we are likely dealing with the sin on a superficial level- looking at merely the outward action and not the inward motivations. Sometimes people sin in an attempt to soothe some inner pain, which doesn’t excuse the sin, but understanding that can help to bring understanding. Christ wants to perform deep healing in our hearts that will cure our broken desires.
Every Sunday we confess and receive absolution. When we pray Morning and Evening Prayer, we are given the opportunity to confess our sin to God. But sometimes we need to actually speak our confession to another person. This is important to do, and it can be very powerful and transforming. My advice is that if a sin doesn't feel resolved when silently confessed in worship, or in your private prayers, then it is wise to bring it to a Christian friend, or to your priest (who is used to hearing people confess their sins).
When people come to us with their sin, they might be doing so for a variety of reasons. They might be wanting to confess it, which is a healthy way to deal with it. … But they might also be wanting to justify it, or rationalize it. They might not be ready to deal with it.
When someone comes to us with their sin, it’s good to listen and ask questions. We should also be careful of two different tendencies as caregivers.
On one hand, we might lean towards rationalizing their sin. We don’t want them to feel bad, so we try to justify what they’ve done. We minimize the damage of the sin by talking about how what they did makes sense given the circumstances. If they have sinned, but are trying to rationalize it, and we help them do this, then we have dug them further into their sin. If they have come to us ready to confess, then we have taken their confession away from them by making it “not really so bad”; “they are just being too hard on themselves”.
On the other hand, we might lean is towards being too harsh. They come to us with their sin and we condemn them as if we aren’t sinners ourselves- we are happy to help pluck the sliver from their eye, ignorant of the log in our own (Matt 7:1-5). When we are harsh, we are likely dealing with the sin on a superficial level- looking at merely the outward action and not the inward motivations. Sometimes people sin in an attempt to soothe some inner pain, which doesn’t excuse the sin, but understanding that can help to bring understanding. Christ wants to perform deep healing in our hearts that will cure our broken desires.
Confessing your sin to another person can be incredibly difficult, so it’s important to honour the courage and vulnerability it takes to do this. If we are harsh, we could do significant enough damage to the relationship, and they can lose the opportunity to confess. And we might be the only person they felt comfortable bringing this to.
Avoiding both rationalizing their sin, and being too harsh, we want to help them confess. We do this mainly by listening well. We can ask questions, but only to help them talk. We don’t want to pry or embarrass them. But they should share enough that they feel like their aren't hiding. Sometimes people need help talking about their sin. Sometimes when they come to us, they want help understanding why they did it, or why they are stuck in a cycle of habitual sin. Our questions might be used by the Holy Spirit to help them reflect and gain more understanding of the motivations behind their sin, or the lies they didn’t realize they believed. We can learn a lot about this by looking at Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well. He is not harsh with her, but he doesn’t pretend she isn't in a mess.
When someone truly confesses, we should be able to see that it has been bothering them. There should be regret and a desire to not commit the same sin in the future. There should also be a desire to repair what they may have broken through their sin. …
Avoiding both rationalizing their sin, and being too harsh, we want to help them confess. We do this mainly by listening well. We can ask questions, but only to help them talk. We don’t want to pry or embarrass them. But they should share enough that they feel like their aren't hiding. Sometimes people need help talking about their sin. Sometimes when they come to us, they want help understanding why they did it, or why they are stuck in a cycle of habitual sin. Our questions might be used by the Holy Spirit to help them reflect and gain more understanding of the motivations behind their sin, or the lies they didn’t realize they believed. We can learn a lot about this by looking at Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well. He is not harsh with her, but he doesn’t pretend she isn't in a mess.
When someone truly confesses, we should be able to see that it has been bothering them. There should be regret and a desire to not commit the same sin in the future. There should also be a desire to repair what they may have broken through their sin. …
Then, as Christians, we get to be messengers of God’s forgiveness. We get to communicate God’s love for them. As the Prodigal Son was accepted by his father with open arms, so they are accepted and forgiven by their heavenly Father. Through the work of Christ on the cross, their sins are forgiven. You get to be a messenger of the loving and merciful Father in that moment.
To conclude, we want to have an understanding of how sin works. When someone comes to us with their sin we should avoid both the tendency to minimize and rationalize the sin, and we should also avoid being overly harsh. Rather, we should adopt a position of prayerful listening, and once the issue has been explored and the person recognizes the wrong they have done, and expresses regret, then we have the privilege of speaking God’s message of forgiveness through the cross. AMEN
[1] Letter 22- “He [God] made the pleasures: all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage the humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden.”
To conclude, we want to have an understanding of how sin works. When someone comes to us with their sin we should avoid both the tendency to minimize and rationalize the sin, and we should also avoid being overly harsh. Rather, we should adopt a position of prayerful listening, and once the issue has been explored and the person recognizes the wrong they have done, and expresses regret, then we have the privilege of speaking God’s message of forgiveness through the cross. AMEN
[1] Letter 22- “He [God] made the pleasures: all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage the humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden.”
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